we're all in doubt....
after mom mom's visit here in florida i've had some interesting conversations with myself about life & the way people live their lives. then i started thinking about the many other people i know that seem frustrated with the way things are going in their lives. mom mom is obviously frustrated with the fact that pop pop left her and prays each day for the strength to carry on as if her life is just meaningless now. i guess it doesn't help that she is so sickly & disabled and on top of that has basically nothing meaningful to do all day. i actually know of other people, not even that old, that are frustrated with their lives, they're often sick or don't feel well and they really have no purpose or any particular interesting productive goals or plans. it seems more obvious everyday that mental health & physical health go hand in hand. i really don't know how some of these people even find a reason to get out of bed every morning.

i met a man at work last week who is looking for a boat to buy, a 38' trawler to be exact. he's had many boats in the past and has sailed all over... to many countries, down in panama and all around the islands. he looks on craigslist every morning and scours the websites for boats for sale. last week he drove over to ft. myers to look at one but he didn't like it. he's a tall thin agile man with rather nice looking face.. and he likes to flirt. he's very friendly and really likes to talk alot so he pretty much tells you everything about himself but in a sort of interesting and funny way. he said his wife died several years ago and he has several children. he said he doesn't believe in going to church because he doesn't need that sort of crutch in order to be a good person and enjoy his life on earth. he likes to walk every morning, he likes to swim, he really enjoys cooking and he's really into recycling and bluegrass music. actually he's very cute and i enjoy talking to him. he's full of beans and very upbeat about life. the best part is that he just turned 87 years old. he showed me his driver's license.
we all have choices to make as we grow up and grow older, i think. making the choices is often the most difficult part though.
to live in the present, to develop our own consciousness.... these are important.

i believe we should all try to live our lives more as a spiritual one than a physical one and do our best to feel good about how we use the time we have now and to always try to feel as if we did our best... and of course, to never stop trying to learn new things that could improve us and make our lives better.

"to adopt a context for living that even makes sense from the perspective of beyond the grave, to live here on earth as a timeless being instead of a mortal one."

the bottom line here is we all need to have our own individual lives, our own interests & hobbies, our own goals. we are the only one who can make a difference in the way we feel about ourselves. to live though others or to expect others to make us happy never really works out well. if we are someday ever so fortunate to find someone to share our lives with... that can be a good thing. we can cherish and love them. we can marry, raise families, have children and enjoy each other lives but we should never get to the point where we become so disinterested in our own lifes and so needy that they become our only reason for our daily existence.
we can always grow together and yet strive to never become so entwined that we choke each other and lose our own individual selves along the way.
"so many things that i see are just reveries".