several days ago i decided that i am having a mid-life crisis..although i don't think it is really a crisis, more of a turning point. as you can see i repainted the front porch again, this time it is fuschia and lime green. i have issues with myself, many inner dialogs with myself but paint is simple and easy to change when the mood strikes. the man at the paint store said he knew of a house in town, up on skyline drive, that had 26 colors painted on it. every shutter is a different color. he smiled and said i should go look at it. when i find that house i'll take a picture of it. for some reason i started wondering how i could go on living if i suddenly became blind.
a thousand things go through my head when i paint. for me it's not just simply a hobby of brushing on random colors. it's therapy.. and if there were anyone nearby they would no doubt hear me talking and chuckling to myself...trying to figure "things" out. i doubt if i'll ever figure things out though. in the meantime i'll just keep painting.
the reason i think i'm having a mid-life crisis is because you would think by now someone my age would have it all figured out and be somewhat defined as to who they have turned out to be. instead, i feel as if i'm still wandering down the road with no one to guide me but myself.. still looking for something/someone to connect to, and oddly still trying to imagine what they'll say about me at my funeral.
you should never wait
for someone else to fill your plate.
or blame anyone but yourself
when you're plate isn't full enough.

that's what i tell myself.