here is what i think about myself:
i have come to the conclusion that i let people get on my nerves far too much and that i should be more open to the differences in the way people think and behave. i meet very few people that i truely admire or want to be good friends with. in fact i don't really know of anyone who i really enjoy being around long enough to pursue a normal friendship with. most of the time i feel like i'm on a different plane where conversations go nowhere, conversations(people) turn stupid and idiotic and i just want to go home. i also realize that i'm often too outspoken and opinionated and am often too quick to judge others and find fault with what they do or say. sometimes i think that there is something seriously wrong with me but according to the online psycho babble of personality quizzes i am an just an introvert with a personality disorder.
introverts find people tiring even though they normally have excellent social skills and can charm the pants off of total strangers if they want or need to. introverts do not like small talk or meaningless words but instead love anything that involves deep conversation. they get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc. they'd rather have meaningful conversations about the depths of human souls and minds, but find few opportunities since those aren't your usual conversations in the average group of people.
in a world where talk is cheap and time is money, life for an introvert can often become disorienting, frustrating and exhausting. introverts are typically less materialistic than extroverts, are not impressed by the wealth's of others and often prefer to live a less materialistic simple life. introverts need a purpose in life and are often involved in community service but only on the sidelines, never in the spotlight. after a day filled with people or activities, introverts tend to feel exhausted and empty. to recharge their batteries introverts need to be alone reading, daydreaming, painting, or gardening – any solo activity fills them up again. according to most psychological surveys about 25 percent of the population are introverts. they are a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population.

introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, artistic and creative endeavors and complex thinking. introverts can be difficult to get along with especially in a close relationship since they become easily frustrated with a mate or friend who doesn't listen or care to engage in meaningful conversation. relationships with an introvert can only flourish if they feel deeply connected to their partner and with ones who treat them with sincerity, thoughtfulness and kindness.

i think i need to go for a walk.

i have been reading my blog. it's almost 4 years old now. some of it i don't remember writing and some of it is just absurd. i realized, after reading it, that i have spent a lot of time doing life's things by myself so... having a blog is a good way to remember what i did because when you're by yourself there is no one else to recall what you did.
i also figured out that i have spent the last 3 of my birthday's by myself.
i talk to myself a lot.

july 4th, 2009

1. snorkled in crystal clear ocean surrounded by lots of fishies and something with a shark like fin that made me have to get out of the water.

2. saw the neighbor with the huge piles of coconuts in his yard standing around outside near his clothes line butt ass naked.

3.made two mango pies.

4. spending the evening comforting poor toby from the evil annoying fireworks and eating mango pie.